in my housemates words:
“we’re adults and if we want to stick a peen to the fridge, we fuckin can”
STRANGE BUT COOL:
Scientists have recently unearthed these crystal penises buried in various places in the US. These crystal penises have been carbon dated and it’s shown they’ve been here since before the vikings visited America thousands of years ago. They’re perfectly sculpted and show gorgeous anatomy, an advanced understanding of the human atatomy that only an advanced civilization could accomplish. These crystal penises are typically found around important historical sites such as the Grand Canyon and Mount Rushmore. People digging up these crystal penises have reported visions and a burning sensation on their hands when touching them. These crystal penises are shrouded in mystery, and scientists as well as archaeologists are working around the clock to find out as much as they can, as these may have the same origins as the crystal skulls from Mayan civilization.